It’s All About Balance

[intro music plays]

Matt: Hey everyone – Matt Barker here wishing everyone a very warm welcome to our SENIA roundtable where Erin Madonna, Lori Boll, and I chat about round tables – just kidding.

In our virtual roundtable, we talk about the topics our special education network and inclusion association are interested in.

Matt: Okay so welcome back to the roundtable. It’s Matt Barker here today – I am here again with – I’m pointing to one of you but I don’t know who to say.

{everyone laughs}

Lori: Lori Boll!

Matt: Lori Boll!

Erin: Hi, I’m Erin Madonna!

Matt: Yay! Thank you so much. That’s very good, you can’t see pointing on podcasting, remember that.

We’re here to talk about well-being and balance. We want to say at the start that we have not been drinking. We’re all just very tired at the end of a semester at the end of a long year. We’re salsa in three different continents. were actually spanning the globe at the moment. So Lori, where are you from? Right now.

Lori: Sunriver, Oregon! 

Matt: I’m in Cambridge in the UK, and Erin?

Erin: I’m in Bangkok, Thailand.

Matt: So this really is a truly international affair today. I think we did great to even make this happen,

Erin: Very impressive.

Lori laughs. 

So today we are going to talk about well-being and balance. And first, what do we think balance and well-being looks like for a student? So if we see a student who is balanced, do we think, looks together, looks well – what is happening to them, what’s going on for them?

Lori: I might ask a question of is – there such a thing as a balanced student?

Matt: That sounds very TOK (lori laughs) For any IB diploma teaches out there we just had a TOK moment.

All laugh.

What is balance anyway?

Erin: I think, okay, so I think until students can really tell us what’s going on inside it’s hard to tell but I think right, body language – that’s kind of my first go to. Right, if fight or flight isn’t activated, if they’re relaxed, you know their responses are open, smiling easily. Indicators of balance, maybe? I’ll throw it on the table. (laughs) 

Matt: And I think those indicators of balance that you talk about are in the context of what you know about that student.

Lori: yeah. So I think that as you know your students, you will know when they’re in a good place. Bc when they’re not you’re like “Hey what’s going on for you today” or, you know, “Tell me how you’re feeling, give me a number between 1 and 5”. And sometimes you can start to become the barometer for how they’re feeling and how they’re doing and how they’re looking.

Both Erin and Lori start to speak simultaneously. 

Erin: Yeah and you start to recognize – oh, go Lori.

Lori: Oh, I just think that it’s important to ask, as well, that 1 through 5, or whatever. You know I know a lot of students who have pretty high anxiety, so they tend to mask that with those positive responses and open body language and things like that, so everyone thinks they’re doing well when in essence they’re really struggling.

So asking – as you suggested Matt, I think that’s really essential.

Erin: Yeah and I think it also gets to the thing of microexpressions sometimes – when you get to know a child – because it students with that high level of anxiety, it is little tells, like are they picking their fingernail like a hangnail on the side of their hand, right, where the rest of them like looks. So that’s a good point.

Matt: Mm. And those little distractions – and I guess sometimes it comes down to how we have set up our classrooms and some of the rituals and routines we go through, you know, like, for example, do you use zones of regulation to talk about where your body is in time. Or do you use things like, the [indaubile], the permission to feel – when you have the, you know, 96 different words to describe how you’re feeling, and of course, it’s very useful to have those little drop-in moments but then when you get the words which are not quite like anxious or worried or confused, it’s like, oh okay, knowing that there’s something more you need to do when you get that feedback from the students. So it’s about both being able to recognize it and I guess also being able to do something about it once you recognize it at a time where it’s appropriate to do so.

Erin: Yeah and in the way that’s right for the child, right, for a child who withdraws public action, you know things that happen in the public sphere of the classroom maybe aren’t best for them. So it does, it is, it’s all about relationships.

Matt: It really does get down to relationships and I think that’s so important, like when we’re talking about balance or well-being we’re thinking about the relationship we have with the student and we can also think about relationships students have with themselves and at the same the relationship we have with ourselves, and how we look after ourselves. Hence why we look at well-being. It does start with ourselves, I really believe that.

Lori: I think we’ve talked about co-regulation before but that’s, I mean, at essence what it is, right, that co-regulation. When we’re keeping track of, sort of, where we are in the space so that we can be there for the child for what they need in that space.

Erin: Is it [Matt speaks] – go ahead, go ahead.

Both Erin and Matt laugh

Erin: We’re tired.

Laugh continue

Erin: I am not balanced, sorry team {laughs} 

Matt: Look, I think also we’re so used to using Zoom and looking at each other and being able to read each other on Zoom that like, for me me to point at someone, you know you’re not oging to get those cues on the podcast. But of course, I dressed up for our first podcast as well, not realizing that we’re not filming, we’re just looking at each other. 

Group laughs.

I really could’ve done it in my pajamas. Anyways, I’m distracted cause I am tired. So we’re talking about what balance looks like in our students and I think you know there’s some things a student does when we notice – I guess – what am I asking… students who have differences, the students we generally work with, those who are quirky in whatever way, what is it for them, and what struggles might they have to find balance. The first student which comes to mind particularly at the moment cause we are back to virtual learning in our situation is working with those students who have ADHD. And for me, those students are often the ones who note a struggle to find balance. Because, either they’re finding it very hard to focus on something, or, how we can come onto social media. They might be on social media or they might be on a game on their computer or something, where they’re so hyper focused and so hyperaware that they’re playing it until, 1 or 2’o clock in the morning and then completely miss out on the balance because they’re disrupting their sleep patterns.

Right.

So, what are we sort of noticing for those students. What other triggers might there be?

Erin: Yeah, oh my gosh, the first word that popped into my mind and interrupted sleep patterns is irritability. Right, it’s like their reaction time.

Lori: Yeah, the whole emotional regulation piece, I used to see it a lot with our middle school students when they’d be up all night gaming or whatever, their exhaustion levels were so apparent to me because they would get very upset over very small problems very quickly.

Erin: Yeah, and parental stress ties into that too. Sometimes the indicator for the child isn’t necessarily the child themselves, but it might be how the parent is reacting and how the parent is managing. Cause if they’re trying to help their child balance at home, but don’t have the skills, or have the skills and are just experiencing frustration with that, you know, and helping their child navigate that – that can be a good way to tap in to the relationship you have with the parents and talk with them and finding out what space they’re in.

Lori:  that’s a great point. I’m thinking of a student I had who was exactly as Matt described, and we worked a lot the family on getting him some exercise into his life. And he pushed back, his mom really wanted it, I really wanted it, he did not want it.

Erin: yeah, [laughs]

Lori: he and I worked a lot together to just study different forms of exercise, and see what he might be interested in. And it turned out, it was swimming, and so he built that into his day everyday after school, did some laps at the pool, and it did really help support that balance in his life, where he wasn’t going straight home, doing homework for hours on end, and then jumping to the gaming. So it was the exercise, the good snack, and then homework. Yeah.

Matt: It’s hard right, because, I think as a child and as an adolescent and young adult, you don’t always necessarily know what’s going on for you. And I‘m back here and I’m with my godchildren, my closest friends, and we have things that we would call like a sugar dip – and the kids are like, you know, they’re hungry where they don’t realize they’re hungry. And then so they might be fractious or irritable or go from naught to sixty in about naught point six seconds. And they don’t understand that great dilatory piece. And even, it’s really hard, like, even though you try to teach kids that regulatory piece, it still can be a long process for them to actually let the pen drop. So, you know, like, you Lori with the x example of the student finding swimming. And I think about that for students for students in general – it’s always like a rite of passage to not get enough sleep at school. And say “I’m so busy, I’m doing the diploma, I’m up all night”. And I’m like, so you’re going to impair all your ability, all there research tells us that you hold your sleep, and you don’t meet your sleep requirements, you are going to underperform. You can’t outwit your own brain. [Matt laughs] Erin: right!

And it’s so hard to get young adults, or kids in general, to take that on.

Erin: Yeah, and I’m not remembering where this came from, but there was a study I read going through school centering on ADHD, and the outcome of the study was that an additional twenty minutes of sleep made a vast difference for children, right. So even increasing the amount of sleep by 20 minutes had an impact and I mean, that’s, that’s fascinating if you think about that. I mean if you think of all restorative work that the brain works while we sleep, right, like that’s why it’s so important.

I think too in this, as you’re talking about, especially as students get older, but even with young students and how digital we are and technology has sort of come up a little bit in our conversation so far, but that addiction to it and the amount that students are on tech now, I’ve had to many conversations with parents where I have to give them permission to take the device away, and to say “If the child is still on at 10:30, and they’re an eight-year-old child, that’s not healthy, right.” The health boundary is an hour before bedtime, we put it up, we put it away, that’s the rule in the house. And there is permission to do that, because we’re asking them – their child’s on tech all day long – so that’s a hard balance for parents to know, is that a boundary I can set? Yes, please do.

Lori and Erin laugh.

Lori: We did it with our children, and the way we phrased it was, we will charge your devices overnight in our bedroom. And so at, I don’t know, I think it was, you know, depending on their age, but, let’s say 9 pm, we would say “Okay, it’s time to charge”, and bring the devices into our room. And of course our daughter knew what we were doing, but it kind of gave her that boundary as well. So she was able to say “Sorry guys, I can’t be texting at this time at night, my parents have my device.”. And she could completely blame it on us, and we were fine with that.

All laugh.

It’s all good.

Matt: And you’re also giving her a way out.

Lori: Exactly.

Matt: Right, you take it out of her control, if you’d like.

Erin: Yep, preserve the social capital with peers and help her set those boundaries to, you know.

Lori: Yeah.

Matt: You’ve been talking about this, and I just wanted to show off because I have a big word that I wanted to use. I wanted to say that technology is ubiquitous now.

Lori: Oooh. 

Erin: Yeah.

Matt: I know!  [ laughs ] 

Erin: Matt, I was impressed when you brought out fractious, and now you’re throwing ubiquitous. 

Matt: I’d saved that one.

Erin: Your vocabulary attire is astounding. 

[everyone laughs]

Erin: But you’re right, ubiquitous is exactly right, right.

Matt: It’s ubiquitous, and it’s like, technology is ubiquitous, and social media is ubiquitous, and I also think another great word – social media can be quite pernicious, and that’s a real, real challenge as well. It can be, it can really bring, you know, young adults, teenagers, all students who have social media have the, you know, the opportunity to be ground down by it. And I think having, I don’t know how you do this, but I think also just being aware of how impactful social media is on students’ lives, and trying to support them to have a healthy relationship with social media. Also, how would that balance aspect…

Erin: Yeah, it’s interesting – my daughter is, she’s ten now, but she would think she was going on, you know, fourteen, with you know, the things that she’s peer-wised exposed to, and the conversations we’re having to have, and she does not have access to social media at this point, but a lot of her friends do. So she’s seen a lot of, you know, Tiktok things, you know, along those lines. And we’ve been having a lot of conversations recently, because I’ve realized from my own balance, and my own sense of self and kind of my own self-talk, you know, that the images that we’re shown in social media, and you know, you can get into all the mirror neurons, and is it causation, correlations, is social media the great evil that we, you know, we can have that debate – let’s not – but I’ve made the intentional choice with my own social media to seek out and find accounts where body shapes and body sizes were represented that were not your classic media images. Because I realized that was impacting my emotional well-being, the way that I think about my own self. So I’ve been trying to talk with her and saying “Oh look, I’m joining this and this” and why, it’s because I want to see more images of people that are real people, right, or I want to see greater diversity, and so I think that modeling aspect with kiddos, before they have access, before it’s just free for all, having those intentional conversations – I hope talk to me in three years, five years, when she does have access, we’ll see if it helps, but there’s a part of me that feels like it has to. If you make it over and you make it obvious, I’m choosing this for my own balance, because. That’s gotta help.

Lori: I think so.

Matt: I mean, I used the word pernicious. And I think it can be pernicious, but I think it can also be a positive and a great thing if it’s harnessed and used in a great way. I manage social media by pretty much not having social media. That to me is something I do for my well being and my balance. I actually, I don’t have Facebook, I haven’t had it for a decade. I use twitter as a professional development tool, but I will come off twitter if I feel I’m using it too much. I’d prefer now to just remove the app. And that’s it, that’s the extend of my social media;

Both: Yeah.

Matt: And I’m like, I’m good with that. I’m good with that.

Lori: Well I had to, for my own well-being, I had to make sure that I unfollowed anyone that posted political postings, and I stopped watching the news, which is hard for me – I like to be up on everything, but it was, it was definitely bringing me down to a point where I didn’t know if I was going to be able to get back up again, and so, stopped watching the news and following any political postings really helped myself, my brain [laughs].

Matt and Erin starts speaking

Erin: Yeah, and you know, thinking about the classroom – sorry Matt, I just jumped on you again, here we go [laughs]. But thinking about the classroom, you hear those things filtering down to the kids, right, the students come in and they talk about, like, the stress around, like, when I was in these states and you know active shooter drills and you had parents talking about, you know, all of this stuff that they were seeing in the news – that stress that we carry being exposed to that filters down to the children. 

Matt: For sure, for sure. I was just going to build on the point that Lori was saying about the news. I’m addicted to the news app. I must look at it twelve times a day. You know, I don’t have social media accounts, so I’m just looking at the news all the time. So it’s a good indicator for me to take it off the phone 

to like in this as you know what you’re talkin about like especially students get older but even with young students and that was how digital we are in technology has threatened the amount that students are on Tech now I have so many, and swear you know I have to give them permission to take the device away right and this day like you can you know if the child is still on at 10:30 that’s not healthy right the healthy boundary is you say Okay an hour before bedtime we put it up we put it away. There is permission to do that because we’re asking them to have their child on all day long so so it’s that’s a hard balance her parents to know is that a yes please hurry we did we did it with her own children it in the way we’ve raised it was we will charge your devices overnight in our bedroom and and so that I don’t know I think it was you know it was dependent on their age but let’s say 9 p.m. We would say okay time to charge and bring the devices into our room and of course our daughter knew what we were doing but it kind of gave her that boundary as well so she was able to say sorry guys I can’t be texting at this time of night my parents have my device they could she could completely blame it on us and we were fine with that absolutely deserve the social capital with peers and help bring that those boundaries I want you to use to say that technology is ubiquitous now. I was impressed when you brought out to fractious now you’re throwing but you’re right. Exactly right it’s ubiquitous I meant a real real challenges while it can be a career he bring you no young adults teenagers Trinity to be ground down by it and I think having to support them. Relationship with social media also will help with that. Yeah we it’s interesting my daughter is she’s 10 now but she was going on you know 14 with eight other things that she’s a no. Two in the conversations we’re having to have it she does not have access to social media at this point but a lot of her friends too so she’s seen a lot of being with Tik-Tok along those lines and that we’ve been having a lot of conversations recently I realized for my own balance and my own sense of self and the kind of my own self. You know I ain’t that the images that were shown in social media and you know one and you can get into all them here and there on stuff what is it you do causation quietly. Find accounts where body shapes and body sizes were represented that you know we’re not your classic media images because I realize that that was impacting my emotional well-being I think about my own self you know just I’ve been trying to talk with her and saying oh look I’m doing this and this is why it’s because I want to see more images of people that are real people right or greater diversity and I think that modeling as text with kiddos before they have access before it’s just free for all having those intentional convey I hope year 05 years when she does have access we’ll see if but there’s a part of me that feels like it has to write if you make it over can you make yes I’m choosing this for my own balance how to help right if it’s harness in used in the right way I manage social media pretty much by not having social media. Is something that I do for my well-being I actually I don’t have Facebook I haven’t had a decade I use Twitter as a professional development to but I will come up I said I’m using it too much my friend I’ll just about it. End of my social media and I’m like I’m good with that I had to make sure that I unfollowed any one that posted political postings and I stopped watching the news which is hard for me I like to be up on everything but it was it was definitely bringing me down to a point where I didn’t know if I was going to be able to get back up again and so stopped watching following any political postings really helped myself my brain are those things filtering down to the kids write the students come in and they talk about like the stress around like when I was in the states and you know active shooter drills and and you had no parents how do you know all of this stuff that they were seeing in the news that stress that we carry being exposed to that filters down to the children the show that Lori was saying about the News 12 times a day looking at the news of the time it’s a good indicator for me just to take it off the phone again but I feel like at the moment in this place that we living in and you know I’ve been fortunate to be able to travel home for the summer but you know it’s so very complex have to keep on top of everything that’s going on because I need to know where I am

12 times a day you know I don’t have a social media account so that I’m just looking at the news. I know it’s a good indicator for me just to take it off the phone again but I feel like at the moment and in the space that we living in and you know I’ve been fortunate enough to be able to travel home for the summer but you know it’s so very comfy have to keep on top of everything that’s going on because I need to know where I am by the way just let let let it go let it go what are the big combo play points at the bottom is have you been vaccinated and unvaccinated you know it is very different either international schools with people travel you know I’m returning home from season 3 of the prefix made it to the end in the country side living in others are not some teachers I think it’s all right at the moment we have to be into it on the webinar which is borne out of the pandemic 60 months ago and we’re having the same the conversations are more round I like really understand it you know the younger the child or I mean I have my own story from when I was a child in this really shows my age because probably most people won’t even remember this but there was a man called Jim Jones in Guyana and he served a cult of people as punch and you know and it killed all these people for their their beliefs or whatever but I didn’t understand that as a child and I was convinced that Jim Jones was going to come to my town in northern California and give us all punch so I was petrified of punch with kids if they’re watching the news or or hearing things and I do they fully understand what they’re hearing and how does that help their mental health you guys just got to be careful yeah well you know what you do go or you just crack up here’s a laugh for us. Sweet. Game that said when I was a kid I thought that the cell my gosh like a week about that because I remember being a child and having watched it like I don’t know you don’t like the NeverEnding Story or something and having that carrying the stress about quicksand but I was going to be a grown up send that ability to think that you don’t concrete abstract about your reality and you know it is it is something for us yeah you told it is like the old wives tale like cross Your Eyes until 6:20. No stay that way don’t worry about stepping on a crack I really don’t want to drink my dad’s back yeah walking under ladders opening an umbrella inside oh yeah this whole time and asked if you guys remember this at senia it was senia a couple years ago I want to stay in Yokohama but I’m not positive internet addiction is in the DSM-5 isn’t it in the DSM an actual I feel like it is I feel like I’m went to a talk right as it was a it was being considered for DSM-5 google now I have a fascinating it was a fascinating presentation by a woman who is researching internet addiction whether it is or is not in the DSM-5 the Addictive behaviors that come with with internet access it’s a real thing right it’s not really a question it’s just that I wanted to earlier that like this is something that like that music is going to those middle years where you know addictive behaviors can develop as a kid start to start to change that we actually do really have to be aware of that. I know it is in the DSM-5 yeah right isn’t that if it’s amazing that so stuff comes in and then do the stuff yeah only so will I lose my mind the thing about the Yokohama comfort I started working and at your comments on January the 2016 day in the office. When you host a conference the divinely wonderful irritating things that you don’t get to enjoy the conference to any of the you know the workshop I think I ran the workshop is so wild Workshop by a former colleague and that was it the rest of the time we had a setting up for the party. It was a fantastic you know it’s amazing what that’s what it takes out of you but barely. That is really strong I love is love. My question is to try and suck navigate I guess we arrive at the place how do we promote well-being and happiness how about you to live happy and balanced lives what if we talked about that maybe we were talking about what kinds of resources are we using to do that so I have some mindfulness and open up the conversation I’m talking about it it’s actually in the approaches to learning and they die because you know like mindfulness I see and if I did I do when it’s in the presence of yourself and things that you can do to ground yourself in reality daily mindfulness practices with the whole school has a daily practice a lot in my class I took but I talked about regulation and how students of feeling why we did light switches that don’t have to work with him if they can close her eyes because you need that time I want you to have that guy was told you that time away from the computer just right opportunity so much as when we used to remember when I called your name out the window and looked outside right you learning how to be present and manage, boredom it’s so important because I don’t know the backstory but when I come down to breakfast and then kids just watching a device really loudly at breakfast plus the parents of you know cramming i’m like I don’t know your story and maybe this is a real achievement I’m not sure it’s all the time I like you. Just talk to it it’s a tie when you come together right yeah we have that we have in our family we have a structured game we play just to get Converse when we noticed that we’re all zoning so we it’s just like we ask each other questions we say like okay if you were a superhero what we doing to be but it is it sort of those old-fashioned that we used to do right they couldn’t leave and I’m bringing together but anyway going back to your point about I lost my train of thought. Play let’s add to be support while paying a balance really like so mindfulness as a way to to help students learn how to balance right but then I actually love mindfulness in that restorative process rather than discipline procedures right like I think that’s the power of mindfulness is that really we can we can teach students to regulate and to get in touch with themselves in those moments of Crisis as well which is really what serves them. At work or anxiety kicks in because they’ve lost a family member or they you know like when we meet them in those points of crisis when they’ve had you know a disciplinary issue occur at school and we meet with mindfulness. I don’t know that transformative for me in terms of thinking about balance in someone’s life yeah I’m thinking about those Heidi is like when you practice mindfulness end and you’re trying to get them to generalize and conceptualize right it will most I could try and provide this conceptual based learning all the things you’re trying to provide and said that they can be generalizing pool different areas and has been enough kids move forward I think if we were able to help students find an honest and and get how it can help and other things like you know particular with the older students are some great YouTube videos out there from very respected like professor Matthew Walker who wrote while we sleep and he provided some very compelling research and very short Sound by September what will happen when you say what will happen when you don’t and also when I have kids already tie dye somebody tell me why I notice about them and how you know by not safe well I can see you. Trying to be gently Relentless in my honesty when having those condos sympathetic towards it but at the same time talking about the realism around it absolutely and I think I think preventatively national all the emotional component any social emotional learning that we do with in the classroom so I think about like the Yale Center for emotional intelligence the ruler program I think about it you know even something like responsive classroom is handled really well where you know where the social emotional learning is built into that and you’re having preventive conversations with kids about oh here’s a scenario like how could I how could I manage my way through that or how come you know the executive functioning aspects that come into balance you know I think I think making sure that we’re building that into our day with our students it doesn’t really matter the program as long as you’re addressing it and addressing it consistently and well write that practice is there you know let me just throw in a plug here for the sender virtual compass because we are having that SEL Strand and we’ve got some great speaker so you know Michelle Garcia winner from so you can watch yes some of the people I meet the people you call get to see why because that builds up 6 years and it’s just something awful thing to say but no yeah yeah we’ve been able to be pretty amazing people and another is Leah Cooper’s Coopers Kuyper’s and she created zones of Regulation cuz she’s just going to do like her basic intro to zones for all of us. Sure an intro so super happy about that and then we also have. Martinez who wrote a book called teaching with the heart in mind and heart is not her name so really great stuff just ordered a copy of that book it’s been sitting in the Mailroom for a couple weeks it’s lost they didn’t get now I want to go steal it. So excited we had you know the other way and it reminds me of when we were able to get Madeline portrait compass and she talked about developmental dyspraxia and it was fascinating to understand that physical science buy tickets everybody that’s going to be and honestly you know I could I could say this till I’m blue in the face but I don’t you think it’s important that not just learning support teachers at end yes I mean when your talking social thinking and social emotional learning learning and and zones of Regulation I mean this is good for everybody. Things right when you have a conference at a school a lot of the time the school comes to the conference that is incredibly powerful for the school guess we really veered off. Kind of mad because we kind of want to be talking about that because there’s a way to go with other information you guys the bank account balance you’re talking about resources and some of the resources that I like to think it’s not my son cousin is at being an amazing for the entire in the UK for many years and she’s stressed about these things I’m a black it’s radius of change. That’s about how to get a happy life is good happy place and she gets some amazing amazing people on that but it’s pretty great just to listen to them talk about how they navigate like another one who’s really good and she’s been amazing her name is Elizabeth. Journalist and had podcast called how to fail and they took about that because she actually learning how to spell teaches you how to succeed so I so dip into podcast on healthy living and I’m positive T the feel better live more podcast Jerome guns he is phenomenal. White stuff coming out he’s published a few books published by the UK and America he has exhausted podcast the great website but he goes about the mind for the Kinect little things we can do to make improvements in my license I always feel like I got a lot of resources to myself which helped with the students another one I like to use a lot is a charity based in the UK it up and the first one is if you want to feel good too good you know I think either has we my balancing all I said to come see them. The number one has to be teaching everything else is really important but it’s mutual. A curriculum always strong that is why you were sharing that Lori and I were frantically reading. I’m so excited I love hug gas and I will also put these on the show notes so I also use my husband I both use headspace quite a bit soft meditation and now it’s funny they have a Netflix series The Catch the ferry from Central to Discovery bad, so yeah, and I think it’s 3:40. Teaches students apps not his mind. Bringing in Baltimore County moksha rated content is much more developed as much more evolved as an awful lot in those apps like even to help you have a mind. Walk at the park bayside some things are so amazing that some very good journaling apps out there all Channing books the five minute Journal is one thing that I think it’s really good I introduced it to the the gray 10000 School last few weeks and that’s when you Channel what are you happy at 3 things you’re happy about today right what three things are you going to do today what can I be a successful in your day today what is your man try and then you review the end of the day and say what great things happened. Good but I thought I’d try and maintain that could put you in the day so it’s cuz he’s human beings are often hardwired look for the negative right at the Winchester and look at the positives yep of that as a huge want to follow that I was going to say I would I’m bringing Punk Rock and self-healing I love that I’ll be here all this order is right and so having a ritual like creating rituals in our lives of even if it is just my one special hoodie that I put on when I get home and yeah I listen to one particular song or I do that you know that they create rituals in our lives but that can help you kind of recalibrate after you’ve been knocked off I have I have a list for the summer to help I thought you had a play at 7 I’ve been listening to her podcast. Jesus Christ. Ashara and I think she lives her life but also I think she’s doing that sort of help in your you know what else do you have time on your lap looking out to my mental health is probably you know a full-time job it’s my right to talk like looking after myself and making sure that I’m in a good place and this is what I do what I need to do something before I lost it a bit low in the back stop the chatter in my mind but I can also drift out through that as well so I find podcasts and I just thought I’d throw in not as an educator and more as a parent of a child with severe needs quite often. Tons of little support groups and things and it’s really difficult for parents of children with special needs to find times to build and balance and focus on their own mental health and it’s really important so I think what I’m in my suggestion for anyone out there listening is if you know a family asked him how you can help and quite often they won’t know so you can kind of look for things like Aaron you know this family but that I had a family in Thailand that would sometimes cook meals for us because she knew how much we were struggling at the time I saw him was throwing all our meals that were in the refrigerator out and into the trash and we couldn’t keep anything in our refrigerator so she saw that and she helped us with that and so it’s just kind of keep an eye out for for families to help they’re not going to be able to support their own mental health so if you can reach out to them and help them I know from experience that’s a great great thing to offer how cool would it be if schools had a system of like Community helpless trite or somebody put this anonymously put on I need dinner on Tuesday I need this and members of the community could sign up like how cool if we could systematized that helps because you’re absolutely right that was some like Abyssal set up like in your local and you look good to me so much food to neighbor who was looking for food. What’s up it’s nice if I could be a little more develop. There you go Aaron you’ve got your nails okay we got a new project to started is Phoenix but I am adding that to the list to find that balance I found myself saying no the other day to something and it felt so good you guys I had to leave it at zero when it it had been a 10 it was because of this one thing that someone was asking me to doing it and finally I was just like no I I can’t do that yeah what if your million-dollar we need little sensors on our shoulders that one what years was tension it alarm goes off I know right I just feel that sometimes. I think that’s one thing I just wanted to vent you what we talked about looking at his house and helping with balance again we seen a lot of days over the past 16 months during you know. Travel time pandemic exercise videos out on YouTube and stuff like go with Adrian I mean oh yeah I think I think she’s my friend and stuff like that and doing yoga brings me such, inside the body coach in the UK who is Joe Wicks is like this to know that I’m on you do talk about exercise positivity and then he doesn’t do much to to find out that you know to if we’re going to be outside the night before and it’s my Morning Journal musically it’s sad it’s almost at to do but it ensures I I do it and so I did this for a good 60 days in a row and it was like get up drink my coffee journal and then and then it was work out and for me that’s what I decided on doing and then it you know a few other things like work tasks and my own mental health and well-being was so good and strong during and then it was interesting cuz something happened I don’t know if we went on a trip or or something that disrupted at all and I haven’t done it since and I haven’t quite found that piece so I stop doing it so it’s really interesting to just kind of follow your path and see where did I go wrong sometimes I think I sometimes think we do these things when we’re feeling under pressure create the structure creates a bit of safety health plan of days which is from the stress around sleeping but when the time you get to play and then it’s so do you know these things to offer the good times as well as the not so good time it’s like the habit forming text I’m unconvinced a New Year’s we said a family goal of working out 365 days in a row we have a star chart on our fridge is that being said on days where we didn’t feel well stretching and like easy stuff for a walk around the lake or something was fine but we did like 74 maybe even up into the 90 days and then one of us got sick or something popped up and we got the real world and I was like I felt like robbed for a minute we’re going back this summer we’re going to get back to it but there was this part of me that was like didn’t I change my brain already like yeah and at you 30 days right but I think I think it’s a good reminder right that it does have to be a committee a Lifeline you know like if you just think 30 days is going to train your brain it on your right and then give yourself permission to see if you were working with a kid who is setting a Target Aaron Aaron will work out with no mistakes and no screw up why you want to know though august Irish Roman Catholic grandmother in my head right now if you’re not working until midnight you’re not working I love my grandmother I’ve been using an app Mitra I don’t even know if that’s how you say it but it’s tracking that you can track your emotions and you can track your values and you sort of rate your day at the end of the day just to sort of tappin with yourself and one of the ones that I put on for myself for my own balance that I realized what throws me out of whack is that sense of Shame and I know like brene brown has talked all that and but that is a part of it right that when we’re imbalanced we can kick into a place for then that negative you know kind of and that shame occurs right moving past that I was about to build on that it’s like you’ve been honest about not meeting your target you know we cannot Thrive when it is talked about is when you don’t talk about play Fab lighting talking about it same, live in the now Seattle. Well guys I think we’re going to have to wrap up because you know I resume cuts off after a while but we’re talking a lot about balance and I think it’s important to note that Matt you there you are well you were talking about the power of a saying no a little while ago and it is funny because I think we have it of saying yes so much the time and I just decided I felt like it was time for me to step down from the pug cost I I felt you know it’s been a really good run and like Elizabeth Gilbert I feel like I need to look after myself a teeth of more than I am at the moment and so I’m just trying to reduce some of the additional stuff that I do and I was doing this on the other day and I was talking about for example like I’ve been doing like I’ve lost 8 years and every time I feel like all you know i’ve ended up doing lots of things. Enjoy that sounds exciting and fulfilling but I think at the moment I’m just feeling like I just need to tap it more headspace a bit more time with even and I really enjoy your company do you know sometimes it’s like well this is something else you have to do and I’m figuring out the time zones and the casing off and I think I think all these contacts and I like Josh interesting people it’s time you learned so much from you but second thank you for taking time to yourself and knowing your boundaries and it’s just so important and you’ve done it and we value you and I know and I will continue this podcast with some very special guests but it won’t be the same for sure I mean how are we going to talk about round tables anymore I know I said what are we going to do without Matt to keep us from getting too serious write your sense of humor in the joy you bring to it not it’s been it’s been a pleasure to talk with you thank you I really enjoy. Well I’d have enjoyed the challenge of the appealing and the reminders of all the things that we can go do to support some of the most challenged people in our life all right you guys to give a standing ovation thank you tell her next one Aaron sounds good Larry I’ll see you when we get back from some of my best of luck Matt will miss you Anita